


i want to drown my sorrow

by timelessidyll



Series: see the pain in their eyes [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, mentions of death/dying, powers, so don't expect anything from them, taeil gets visions, the 2tae is really unimportant, this is probably a little angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 05:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14888510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelessidyll/pseuds/timelessidyll
Summary: Taeil hates this. Hates his power (it's a curse, he tells himself), hates how he has no control over it, hates how it makes everyone around him worry. Some of the visions are worse than others.





	i want to drown my sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> this probably won't get continued because the idea of taeil in pain was a stand alone thought with no story around it and i needed to get it out.

It came suddenly, out of nowhere, just like always. Taeil hated how the sudden rise of bile in his throat forced him to smile stiffly at Taeyong and pretend like his insides weren’t in turmoil. He hated leaving him sitting alone at their dinner date, hated the fact that his condition after this would force them to go home even though both of them had been so excited to finally have a break. He hated how Taeyong would only nod understandingly when Taeil got up to leave for the bathroom, hated everything about this.

He had barely locked himself in the bathroom before his vision started to flicker out, making him lose his balance and fall against the tiled wall. The spots in his vision grew bigger, and soon Taeil’s vision was completely gone. His harsh breathing was too loud, and the twisted feeling in his stomach didn’t disappear. And then came the sensation of being plunged into icy water. Goosebumps rose all along his arms and legs, the hair at the nape of his neck standing on end, and even though he’d been through this too many times to count it never got easier to deal with. It certainly never got easier to deal with the fact that he knew the horrible fate that would soon befall someone unknown. They were simply random faces he had no connection to, and yet he knew exactly what their fate would be.

This was painful, he could already tell. He still couldn’t see, which might mean they would be blindfolded. There was a tight feeling around his arms, legs, and neck, so they would be restrained. He tried to separate his emotions and feelings from the vision, knowing all too well that it wouldn’t help if he got invested. His own breathing was becoming more labored, and sudden jostling in the vision made him clutch at his sides from the jagged pain that flashed through him. Dull, muffled murmuring, and then weightlessness. And then Taeil knew that he would hate this vision.

A coldness settled over him, a phantom rush of water down his throat. He choked on air and started to claw at his own throat. The pressure in his chest grew stronger and stronger, and when he opened his mouth more water rushed in. There wasn’t any air, he couldn’t breathe, and the water became heavier and heavier until he didn’t feel anything at all. His throat was raw, a hurt that only came from screaming without a single sound escaping. Slowly, ever so slowly, his vision came back, bright and piercing. He bit back the whimper, knowing it would hurt too much. When he tried to push himself up, his legs trembled, and he fell back with a hiss of pain. The constricting feeling of the rope around his arms started to fade, and he tried to find his breath, tried to breathe deeply to compensate for the moments in which he didn’t breathe at all.

He finally pulled himself up, stumbling over to the sink to see how bad he looked. Bloodshot eyes, bloody lips from how hard he’d been biting them, and long, angry lines on his throat from his nails scratching against it. He fell into another panic, remembering the heavy, heavy feeling that wouldn’t stop pressing all around him, and only his lifelong experience with his curse allowed him to pull himself back together and resist the tumultuous situation of his stomach.

He made his way back to the table he’d left Taeyong at, focusing all his attention on making sure that he didn’t trip over his feet and make a fool out of himself. He already looked like a stoner, and he had no desire to push that idea home. Taeyong stood up once Taeil got close enough, and Taeil began to protest, but he was quickly silenced when Taeyong said he’d already paid.

The ride home was full of pressing silence, of Taeil hating how trapped he felt in his own mind and body and Taeyong regretting how little he could do about it. At their house, it felt no different. Taeil wrote about the vision in his journal, expressionless as he realized he had filled out this one as well. He set it in the drawer next to two others just like it and made a note to buy another one. Taeil fell asleep, fitfully, to Taeyong running his hand through his hair over and over.

The weight in his chest still hadn’t disappeared.


End file.
